15 November 2012

Clarky's Cinema Review: Mother's Day

I saw this without my usual cohorts (Ally and Fin) this week for my Those Movie Guys podcast, and wasn't going to post a review until I heard that this film was being marketed as as a horror film and, incredibly, was also getting some good reviews. With this in mind I felt duty bound to warn any horror fans to avoid this film at all costs.

This is one of the worst films that I have ever seen. It is so bad it is incredible. Within 5 minutes the warning signs were clear yet I struggled on and watched all 110 arduous minutes. Unfortunately, this film was not a difficult watch for the same reasons as films such as House of the Devil or The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. No this was a difficult watch in the same way that Catwoman was a tough watch. Watching a piece of excrement smeared across the screen dry would have been more enjoyable.

This film features some of the worst dialogue, acting, twists and plot development of any film I have ever seen. Actually, that's unfair because there is no plot development as such characters just act in whichever way is required in order that the plot can go where it needs. Never mind if this is against everything that the character believed in 10 minutes ago, no matter how contradictory, no matter how nonsensical, these characters do what it takes to ensure that this plot trundles along for an excruciating slow 110 minutes.

I won't bother going into the ins and outs of the "plot" save to say it involves a group of brothers who are robbers, and their mother, taking a group of friends hostage.

At one point one of the Beth's (who I think is meant to be the main character) husband is accused of having an affair with one of the other characters. A character whom I didn't even realise was in the house as she had spent so little time on screen and hadn't actually uttered a single word.

Incredibly, every single actor turns in a career worst performance. The direction is lacklustre and any possible tension is vanishes as quickly as it appears due to the ineptitude of the cast and director. Added to the fact that the main characters are so unlikeable and it is hard to root for them to escape. Eventually I just wanted the "bad guys' to hurry up and kill everyone just so the film would end.

I say bad guys. We have one brother who is doing an over the top Tim Roth impression of Mr Orange in Reservoir Dogs, except without any of the charm or skill or likeability. We have the "crazy" brother who has more tics than a mingy dog and we have another brother who has no real character other than when asked how badly his brother is hurt he replies with the following zinger -

"He's hurt so bad that the only time it stops hurting is when you don't wake up".

And that's not the worst line in the film.

This band of renegades are led by a 51 year old woman who wears a cardigan and has no weapons - scary!

With all this in mind please also note:

- This is not a horror movie. I think it was meant to be a thriller but certainly did not succeed.

- There is not one ounce of tension in any scene. At one point at the "climax" of the film the entire audience at the screening I was at were laughing!

- At no point was there a threat level within this film. They are being bossed about by a 51 year old woman who doesn't have a weapon and her children are such terrible actors that any possible threat is wiped out instantly.

- There are so many ridiculous twists and turns it is beyond funny. But even then the whole script is so lifeless and flat that by this point I no longer cared and just wanted it to end.

- Every "character" (and that is a stretch) is a 2D imitation of people that apparently have no thought process and don't show an ounce of development over the flabby 110 minute running time.

- In an attempt to create tension or horror or something there are many acts of graphic violence. At one point a character gets boiling water poured over his ears. At this point in the film I would have happily taken that to avoid hearing any more of the clunky dialogue. If they would also have washed my eyes out with bleach then maybe I could remove some of the stains on my mind that this movie subjected me to.

- In the middle of a suburban neighbourhood you can apparently shoot a 12 gauge shotgun without anyone noticing!

- In another cringeworthy scene the mother attempts to make her dying son's wish come true by forcing one of the woman to sleep with him, even though he can barely open his eyes due to the blood loss and has already had CPR! In what should be a creepy scene all possible tension is lost when the mother attempts to help the women to arouse her son (with the use of the rudder technique).

- Even more incredible the son survives to come back for a terrible twist at the end (even though we are informed on numerous occassions by the resident doctor that there is no way his character could survive!).

- However, these scenes are still better than the scene where the mother interrogates the main character (Beth I think, but I no longer cared by that point) whilst she is on the toilet. Pausing in the middle of one of her points to tell Beth to "wipe". Wow.

A truly awful film that I would implore everyone to avoid like the plague.

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